Curls & Twirls

Happy Birthday Akka Sheila, Rahul & Jason Wong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Haha. So many ppl’s birthday today man. Anyway, as most of my dearest friends would know – I have been on house-arrest since Thursday on the grounds that I am sick and need to recover. And all I have is a freaking cold. So I sneeze a little. Big deal. Aish.

My parents claim that my low immune system is due to my active social life and unhealthy sleeping hours. I really disagree since almost everyone else seems to have the same sleeping pattern and social life as me.

But anyway, these past three days of doing nothing except watching my hair grow has made me realize how good getting out of the house is. I mean, seriously, it’s only been 3 days and already I feel like I’m in a high-class prison. I even resorted to reading the papers – completely, from first to last page, with very minimal scanning through! (Annai, I know this may sound astonishing … but yes, that’s how bad it’s gotten!)

My boredom has reached such a peak that I get a rush from the phone ringing, hoping against hope that it’s someone who’s calling just to talk. Unfortunately, this has only happened 3 times. Damnit. I thought I had outgrown yakking on the phone since the last time I recall doing that just for kicks was in high-school. Oh God Bless Alexander Graham Bell. What would I have done without his invention?

So anyway, one of those blessed souls who saved me from the death of Boredom was Karven. Last night when we called and talked about almost anything under the sun, we inevitably discussed what we expected life would be in UK. Karven was all excited about leaving Malaysia and entering a brand-new, exciting chapter of his life. I could relate to it, but I didn’t really feel it.

I remember when I was leaving for the Netherlands, those were the exact emotions I experienced. I was full of anticipation about the clogs, windmills and of course – the hot guys Holland had to offer. And I had my fair share of clogs, windmills and hot guys too, I reckon. And trust me, the whole rollercoaster ride I had there was something I wouldn’t trade in for anything…but somehow, when I look back at Holland, those fun-filled and adrenaline-pumping memories are just that, memories. And those memories are overshadowed by the people I left behind. Adjusting to the Dutch culture wasn’t as simple as I expected. On the surface, it was really easy to get along with the Dutch, ‘cause they were just so friendly and open-minded. But as Joseph said about his time in Aussie, “Life is hard when you’re all alone.” There were many times when I came home after a really good time out, sat down in front of the blue-couch in my room, and just stared at the photos of Malaysia I had plastered up on my wall. But the worse were when I returned from a bad day, and although my host-mum tried to be understanding, nobody understood the tangle of emotions I experienced. Even now, I can’t quite put it into words.

But the most difficult and unexpected part was returning to Malaysia. Not that I didn’t want to come home, I was really overjoyed to return to the land I knew as my home for 17 years of my life. The difficult part was not packing my bags and hopping onto the plane, but adjusting to the estranged circle of friends. Really, after one year of being absent, there was so much that had changed and it was hard to get back into motion. Swen had found a bf. Qian and Swen were bestfriends. Everyone was in college and stayed out late. And my parents were still stuck in the hazy high-school days where 11.00 pm was the curfew. (Oh God, thank You so much that changed..!) There were a million other things I needed to get used to. And it’s really funny, somehow people know you’ve been away for a year, but it never really registers in their head. Often I would catch people saying things like “You remember, last year when we were at insert-place-here?” and I would reply exasperatedly “I wasn’t here last year!”

Starting from scratch in college was another headache. Not only did I have to make a whole knew group of friends – I had to make a whole knew group of friends who were younger than me! Really, you would think that 1 year doesn’t make much of a difference, but sometimes 365 days can make ALL the difference. And soon I also realized that 365 days in Holland made it even more different. I was caught in-between 2 cultures and I didn’t know where to draw the line anymore. I frequently argued with friends, parents, etc. Aish. The first 2 months or so were terrible and I often wanted to jump back onto the Boeing 777 that would take me back to the Netherlands. Sometimes I think it was because I was young when I went to Holland. I hadn’t been exposed to so much and I went to a country who challenged almost every moral fibre I had in me. Not that they had terrible moral values. They had different moral values. Different priorities. And just when I understood the Dutch priorities and ethics, I was slapped back to the traditional Malaysian way of life.

I also hated it that I hardly knew my friends when I came home. They definitely had different opinions and ethical values, and sometimes I just kept quiet because I knew even if I explained my point-of-view, they wouldn’t understand it. It became so terrible that I would wait excitedly for midnight to come so that I could msn with my Dutch friends.

But along the way, I adjusted back into Malaysian culture-zone and now I’m loving it. (Except for right now when I have to sit at home because of some stupid sniffles!)

But there are still those rare occasions when a wave of nostalgia washes over me and I impulsively send a rather depressing sms to my close friends in Holland. (Rosanne & Liza…je weet natuurlijk wat ik bedoel. Hehe. :P)

And what have I gotten myself into? The same crazy cycle. Yes, I knew what to expect when I sent in that UCAS form. I knew I would be estranging myself from people in Malaysia. I knew that it would be difficult to adapt to English culture.Yet, I still went on and did it. Aish. Am I addicted to this rollercoaster ride? Yet, a little part of me still gets a little high just thinking of what my uni life has in store. Hehe. Perhaps I am addicted lah. Melancholy may sometimes kidknap me, but at the end of the day…. I’m still curious about the grass on the other side!

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