Curls & Twirls

Ok. For the first time in a long while, I feel bored enough to blog about something intellectual. Haha. But not bored enough to come up with something original. Luckily enough, I already thought of something.

K lah. To cut the crap, I’ve finally decided to put into writing what I’ve been meaning to blog about for the last month or so. Well, at THAT time, I spoke to a friend of mine who was suffering from bullimia. I knew she was bullimic before - but I somehow thought she had kicked the habit. ANyway, on that fateful day, she admitted that she was still dealing with the problem. She recognized that it was an issue that she couldn’t deal with alone and needed support from family an friends. Let’s call her A.

It might surprise you to know that A isn’t the first girl I know who’s suffering from this problem. From the top of my mind, I can think of 2 others, but I’m pretty sure I’ve left out someone. (I have sometimes surprised myself by counting how many people I know have this problem - and I dread to think how many friends of mine have this problem and I just don’t know it.) Think about it properly, I KNOW for a fact that 3 people have had/are having this problem - imagine how many more there might be? After all, it’s not something you advertise on your local radio station. Hell, most of the time you even refuse to admit it to yourself.

Well, what might surprise most of you even more is that I was bullimic too. I was 14. I’m pretty sure my parents suspected - and they went to desperate measures to stop me. And even though I knew it was in my best interest, at those times I really hated that they tried so hard. (In fact, I don’t really know how I got out of it and sincerely think my mum’s prayers played a big factor.) Support from family is probably necessary, but it’s not that great a help. In fact, support from people who have never had bullimia is not much support at all. No matter how hard they try to imagine what it is like, they don’t really quite get it. (So please, my close friends, do understand why I may never have broached this subject! It’s took me a while to come to terms with it and I’m still wondering whether I will post this entry!!!! I keep changing my mind…!) You know, the easiest thing about bullimia is sticking your finger down your throat. (In fact, you learn it so well it’s a trick you never forget. I can still do it anytime now and I often had relapses for about a year before I fully recovered.) It’s the emotional/psychological effect that is much harder to deal with.

I’m guessing most people don’t remember - but if you ever knew me back in my early teenage years, you might recall a period in time where I lost a significant amount of weight. Yep, that’s right. Bullimia, plus a mildddddddddddddddddd *emphasis intended* case of anorexia.

Anyway, my point is this. Why is it that so many girls suffer from bullimia? Whether you realize it or not, it’s a high statistic. And stats are based on documented cases - how about those which aren’t? (Like mine and all of those I know of!)

Well, I can sort-of tell you why, being a victim myself. It’s because a girl’s self-confidence largely relies on how she looks. Blame Hollywood, Bollywood, the size of models, Paris Hilton, I don’t know. But it’s true. A girl can look like Jennifer An Angelina Jolie, and still lack confidence. In fact, sometimes the girls who seem most confident have often the most fragile self-esteem. Why do you think girls check out other girls more than they check out guys? (REALLY. I know this comes as a shock, my y-chromosome friends!) Unlike guys, we can’t just walk around with a thick wad of dollar-notes in our pocket to feel confident. We need to look good.

So guys, please be a bit more sensitive about this fact! Hey, I’m not saying you can’t make jokes about how we look - just don’t go overboard! Sometimes when a girl tries to act all perasan, it’s not because she’s fishing for compliments - she’s just looking for reassurance. And really, if she does ask "Do I look fat?" (i have no doubt when a girls poses this question, no matter what tone she uses, she is looking for a serious answer!) - and she does look fat- break it to her gently. You don’t have to lie, but the worst thing u can do is crack a fat joke. It’s just bad timing!~!

Well, for those of you who suspect a friend is bullimic, (Although unlikely. Bullimia is really easy to hide.) I think it’s better if you try to let the person come to terms with it first before offering some support. Let the person approach you. But you can help by giving advice in a general way. You know, like, read an article about bullimia and then ‘just-so-happen’ talk to the person about it! Haha. Then let the person read it herself. I know when I was going through the problem, I wanted to talk about it - but not to people who didn’t understand. (But of course, this could just be my own personality and your friend might be different. ) Sometimes I think it would have been easier if I had a friend to confide in who understood my plight (understood meaning experienced bullimia before). Finally, (when my period got messed up - that kinda scared me!), I went online to find out about the problem and took an anonymous test. I think the results were that I was borderline anorexic and should get counselling or something, but I think the test was screwd lah. I wasn’t anorexic, just bullimic. As you can tell, I didn’t take the advice and decided self-help was the way to go. Wahahhaah. Me and my stubborn ways.

(THIS PARAGRAPH MAY BE A BIT DISGUSTING FOR THE FAINT-HEARTED. IT WILL FEATURE A REASONABLE AMOUNT OF GAGGING.)

And for those of you who are still fighting the battle - I can tell you, it’s not worth it. First of all, it only works for a while, and then loses effect. Secondly, for all the effort and psychological trauma you go through, you really lose very little weight. It screws up your digestive system - and honestly, these are long-term effects. I still have a problem with eating properly, and it’s been 6 years. And it kinda screws up your calorie-intake too, I think. Like, now after a long time, I eat at least double what I used to, and I don’t gain as much weight. (And I still eat little, according to my friends.) Straight after my ‘losing-weight’ period, even the littlest amount will cause changes in my weight. I had to gradually increase my intake. I think your body sort-of adjusts to your bullimic routine and hence you can never go back to eating normally straight-away. So, the faster you quit, the easier it is. (And the faster you can eat without putting on weight!) The beginning of recovery will be the worst, and the urge to binge-eat will be ever-present. But you have to get over this period. It’s when this phase is over that the craving also stops - and seriously, you won’t put on that much weight if you eat like a normal person - despite your fears of having a low metabolism. No matter how low, it isn’t THAT low. Really, if I read this 6 years ago, I would seriously doubt it myself. But I’ve been there, and I know the difference. Oh, and I personally think, when you throw up, then you get hungry, and then you binge-eat, and then you feel guilty and then throw up, and then you eat again…the whole viscious cycle is EVIL…because, not only do you end up with a messed up menstrual cycle, ineffective digestive system, guilty conscience/depression/feeling ugly/trauma of hiding symptoms, dry/sore throat….I think you end up eating more than you throw out! Plus, do you ever notice that when you throw out, the healthier food comes out first? Like, vegetables, fruits, etc? Chocolates, ice cream and cookies seem to sail right through your digestive tract before you can even stick your finger down! So really, are you removing calories or just getting an unhealthy diet?

And if you really think you over-ate - go exercise! It’s a LOT MORE EFFICIENT than gagging. I speak from experience! You can only vomit out so much, but exercise can burn all that you ate and maybe even more. You just have to have the discipline. (It sucks, I know. But take up something you like, that way it’s a lot easier. I ain’t a fan of the gym either.)

There will be relapses, I assure you. But it’s a gradual process. Like I said, for a year I was still in-and-out of bullimia, and there were the odd times too in the years that ensued. If you feel hungry, just grab a fruit or something. They’re low in calories but will only keep you full for a short while. Oh, and another thing… you have to try to stop thinking about losing weight! I know I know, it’s damn hard, and it’s not something that will never really leave you . I think it’s a curse to all females. But thinking about it not as often does have some positive effect, in my opinion. Keep yourself occupied to take it off your mind.

And you know what? Screw all those fashion models lah! (Lol. I’m one to speak…!) I mean, ok, so you can’t wear all those attention-grabbing garments that will make guys swoon. But there are clothes that flatter you (YES THERE ARE. Go do some retail-therapy! Now you have an excuse to shop!) , and they don’t mess with your menstrual cycle. I reckon that’s a safer bet than trying to throw out your dessert! (At least this way you can enjoy that chocolate bar without feeling guilty.)

And think about it. God created it that food goes down your tract, not up. Exercise is the right way of getting rid of fat. So if you’re gagging it all out - it’s the easy way out. And how efficient can the easy way out be? There’s always a price for something. And if the pricetag’s cheap - you might want to consider its quality!

Ok. If I post this up… I’ve come a LONG way.

And if anyone has tips on losing weight, pls tell me ya. I may be anti-bullimia, but I’m still fighting the curse of all females!

HeLLO from the greatest capital in the world! (According to my uni rector lah). YEsh…the alluring London. But before I go on ranting about this grand city, let me update on a few things:

1. I’m gonna be moving blogs because friendster blogs suck. You can’t put any pics up and configure the fonts and background and put skins and stuff. And because Rudy offered to set up one for me. Haha. *Btw, it’s long overdue, Rudy. Hurry up lah.*

2. For those of you who understand it: Although I surveyed London and found that in this beautiful city of theatres and posh hotels, where all the men are gentlemen and the ladies are…ladies. *lol. lame i know*, and my wandering eye decided that I shall not keep my audience limited… *damn*. Today, after one long week of abscence, my target audience decided to waltz in and remind me of my little adventure in Malaysia just prior to my departure. And guess what? *Crash boom bang pet-te-bam dush* *ouch ouch ouch*. Yesh. I crashed. Hehehe.. if you get my drift ?

3. SOrry! I can’t reply any emails or msgs quite personally until my damn broadband gets working and that will be this friday. And by then I would get my mobile and house number and I will not forget to give it out to you. Until then, I’m paying by the minute for this internet service! But the writer in me refuses to let that stop me from updating my blog…!

*Phew*. Now to the more interesting bits…

LONDON! Wahaha. It’s impossible to tell you EVERYTHING that’s been happening in the last week coz there’s just so much to say, but I shall try to give a summarized version. When I arrived at the appartment, I dreadfully realized that the tennants that had been occupying the place were VERY VERY BAD. They left the place in such a terrible condition that for 2-3 days, I felt more like a maid than a student. SEriously, you guys know right. I’m the kind who likes to do the minimum neccessary. (Is that a correct sentence?) What I mean is, if I have to study chapter 1, I’ll study chapter 1. And that’s it. Who cares if chapter 2 will give you a better understanding of chapter 1? Or if I do some worksheets, it might improve what i’ve studied. But anyway, the place was so crappy that I felt it neccessary to stay home and clean clean clean. Seriously, even my dad was impressed. (I quote him : "One thing I have to say lah. For the way you left your bedroom in Malaysia, I would never have guessed you would be doing what you’re doing. Shows you’re more sensible than I thought you were." Bah. Calling me insensible. Ape ah.)  I did the whole works. Even down to vacuuming the whole appartment. Only the bathroom was saved - for thankfully, they left THAT in a good condition. (Although I had to do a little cleaning of the sink and mirrors…*sigh*)

So anyway, since the first few days I had my hands full with cleaning and washing and what nots, my dad was kind enough to take care of all the cooking. But soon after, he finally forced me into the kitchen with a frying pan instead of a broom. I chased him out of the kitchen during that time, for I was afraid he would see what a mess I was when cooking. But I was brave, I took that kuali fearlessly. Wahahhaha. But I was still practical, and had convinced my dad (and myself, of course) that he shouldn’t expect anything tasty and that we should be happy if I managed something edible. But lo and behold, to my surprise, my food actually tasted like FOOD! Really, I was so impressed with myself that I just HAD TO BRAG ON MY BLOG. Hahahhaa. (Daniel: I so know what you’re thinking, and no. I’m not volunteering to cook for you.) In fact, i reckon cooking is not as bad as baking. WIth cooking, you can afford to just estimate what you put in, but with baking, one minor mis-measurement and you’re screwed. I cooked chicken curry and some vege lah. I forgot what vege, but the chicken curry was what I was so impressed with. It was almost like eating the curry at home! Ok, ok. Before you guys get your hopes all high up in the sky…it tasted like food doesn’t mean that it tastes like something out of Pandi’s ok. So don’t expect something extravagant!

And since then I have gone into the battle-field, armed with my laddle and pot, many a times!

Translations: Since then I’ve cooked more often.

Oh and speaking of baking, wahhhhh….they have such nice stuff here that when I prance into a baking shop, I want to buy the whole thing. They have all sorts of pans and moulds and milks and cream and flour and stuff….so nice to bake!!!!!!! I only wish that the prices were all in Ringgit. Damn Sterling.

Ok ok. Enough of the housewife in me. (I can just hear Curt laughing. I quote him : "You? Studying engineering? I always thought you were the housewife type.")

Well, besides that, I’ve just been going around in London and on Sunday my uni organized a special tour for us. I won’t talk much about that because reading about London isn’t half as fun as experiencing it first-hand. Oh, but I watched "Mama Mia" (the musical performance, originally by ABBA) last night and it was AWESOME. All the way home I was singing "Mama mia…here I go again!" The cast was really good and all of them would give the Malaysian Idol contestants AND Jacklyn Victor a good run for their money. Seriously. The lead actress had such a melodic voice that I was hooked as soon as she started her solo. And when the final song came to pass, I wish it would never end.

Well then, today I went to the Fresher’s Fair at uni. It’s a fair where all sorts of organizations and clubs come and set up a booth so that students have more information. Most of them were societies from the Student Union itself, but there were a few outsiders such as National Theatre, London Student Newspaper, etc. I wanted to sign-up for practically everything ! All the clubs were so awesome and exciting and so different from the kinds u get in Malaysia. I mean, you had your usual Malaysian Society, Debate Club, Christian Union, Dance Club, etc. But you also had all these exciting clubs like Musical & Drama Club, Rifle & Pistol Club, Racing & Karting Club, Gliding Club, Horse-Riding Club, etc. ANd the best part is, you can sign-up for a trial basis. I did sign-up with quite a lot, but what really piqued my interest was the Karting Club. They had a model race-car at their booth, and all the specifications etc, and although I know nuts about cars, it looked impressive. And they had students themselves building these cars! Talk about awesome, eh? And they had a track you can race on and stuff. I was SOOOOOOO tempted to join (especially since beginners could get lessons or something!) but I decided against it for 2 reasons:
1. The price was just too high.
2. The fact that there didn’t seem to be any female members intimidated me.

SOme other clubs that really got me interested and which were considerably cheaper AND more gender-balanced were…err..I can’t remember the names. Haha. THey have funky names lah. But one club did TV programme productions! How cool was that ey? I told them I had no experience whatsoever but they said that training would be given so I needn’t worry. If I joined, I’d have experience with producing short tv shows, documentaries, movies, etc. SO COOL. Another one was a club that built satellites. I was really skeptical about this one and told them I REALLY don’t think I have the capacity to do anything like that. But the guy managed to convince me that even the most ignorant engineering student will be able to with their training, and since it was a free trial, what the heck ey? And of course, true to my roots, I joined the dance club & Felix (Uni Newspaper). OOh. ANd how can I forget? Malaysian Society!

You know, the great thing about MSOC (Malaysian Society) is that the committee is really friendly and nice. They try so hard to be helpful, within a second I knew I wanted to be a member!

Besides that, I got a lotta free stuff from the fair too. Chocolate bars, free lunch, student discounts for a whole bunch of stuff (ranging from disco parties to orchestra tickets!) and even a personal alarm from the National Security. Haha, yeah, even they had a booth up! And the alarm is really really loud and painful to the ear…so anyone who tries to mug me….WAHAHAHAHA…I advise you to get some serious quality ear-plugs.

Oh! And today I met 2 Malaysians: Wei Kit & Terrence. Terrence was from BB school and knows the whole BB gang (Jason, Deepak, Rahul, Carlos, etc) AND Ming Wang, Tsu Lynn & naturally, Swen too. Wei Kit, on the other hand, was from SSC and knows Wern Yuen, Jassie, Jon Wung, etc (college friends). My my. All 3 of us were quite surprised to find out that we had travelled about 600 miles only to meet friends of friends!  And to top that off, I also met Eunice Liow & Yew Horng. Eunice somehow knows Cheng Heng (college friend), and Yew Horng used to be very good friends with Sinthi back in sec school. It really is a small world, ey?

Haha. OK, I think i have written enough, and in about half an hour, my friend is coming over. So till I get my freaking broadband up and working, ta-ta and I miss you all!

Lotsa love, sugar & spice, 600 miles away and 7 hours behind time!