Curls & Twirls

Ok. For the first time in a long while, I feel bored enough to blog about something intellectual. Haha. But not bored enough to come up with something original. Luckily enough, I already thought of something.

K lah. To cut the crap, I’ve finally decided to put into writing what I’ve been meaning to blog about for the last month or so. Well, at THAT time, I spoke to a friend of mine who was suffering from bullimia. I knew she was bullimic before - but I somehow thought she had kicked the habit. ANyway, on that fateful day, she admitted that she was still dealing with the problem. She recognized that it was an issue that she couldn’t deal with alone and needed support from family an friends. Let’s call her A.

It might surprise you to know that A isn’t the first girl I know who’s suffering from this problem. From the top of my mind, I can think of 2 others, but I’m pretty sure I’ve left out someone. (I have sometimes surprised myself by counting how many people I know have this problem - and I dread to think how many friends of mine have this problem and I just don’t know it.) Think about it properly, I KNOW for a fact that 3 people have had/are having this problem - imagine how many more there might be? After all, it’s not something you advertise on your local radio station. Hell, most of the time you even refuse to admit it to yourself.

Well, what might surprise most of you even more is that I was bullimic too. I was 14. I’m pretty sure my parents suspected - and they went to desperate measures to stop me. And even though I knew it was in my best interest, at those times I really hated that they tried so hard. (In fact, I don’t really know how I got out of it and sincerely think my mum’s prayers played a big factor.) Support from family is probably necessary, but it’s not that great a help. In fact, support from people who have never had bullimia is not much support at all. No matter how hard they try to imagine what it is like, they don’t really quite get it. (So please, my close friends, do understand why I may never have broached this subject! It’s took me a while to come to terms with it and I’m still wondering whether I will post this entry!!!! I keep changing my mind…!) You know, the easiest thing about bullimia is sticking your finger down your throat. (In fact, you learn it so well it’s a trick you never forget. I can still do it anytime now and I often had relapses for about a year before I fully recovered.) It’s the emotional/psychological effect that is much harder to deal with.

I’m guessing most people don’t remember - but if you ever knew me back in my early teenage years, you might recall a period in time where I lost a significant amount of weight. Yep, that’s right. Bullimia, plus a mildddddddddddddddddd *emphasis intended* case of anorexia.

Anyway, my point is this. Why is it that so many girls suffer from bullimia? Whether you realize it or not, it’s a high statistic. And stats are based on documented cases - how about those which aren’t? (Like mine and all of those I know of!)

Well, I can sort-of tell you why, being a victim myself. It’s because a girl’s self-confidence largely relies on how she looks. Blame Hollywood, Bollywood, the size of models, Paris Hilton, I don’t know. But it’s true. A girl can look like Jennifer An Angelina Jolie, and still lack confidence. In fact, sometimes the girls who seem most confident have often the most fragile self-esteem. Why do you think girls check out other girls more than they check out guys? (REALLY. I know this comes as a shock, my y-chromosome friends!) Unlike guys, we can’t just walk around with a thick wad of dollar-notes in our pocket to feel confident. We need to look good.

So guys, please be a bit more sensitive about this fact! Hey, I’m not saying you can’t make jokes about how we look - just don’t go overboard! Sometimes when a girl tries to act all perasan, it’s not because she’s fishing for compliments - she’s just looking for reassurance. And really, if she does ask "Do I look fat?" (i have no doubt when a girls poses this question, no matter what tone she uses, she is looking for a serious answer!) - and she does look fat- break it to her gently. You don’t have to lie, but the worst thing u can do is crack a fat joke. It’s just bad timing!~!

Well, for those of you who suspect a friend is bullimic, (Although unlikely. Bullimia is really easy to hide.) I think it’s better if you try to let the person come to terms with it first before offering some support. Let the person approach you. But you can help by giving advice in a general way. You know, like, read an article about bullimia and then ‘just-so-happen’ talk to the person about it! Haha. Then let the person read it herself. I know when I was going through the problem, I wanted to talk about it - but not to people who didn’t understand. (But of course, this could just be my own personality and your friend might be different. ) Sometimes I think it would have been easier if I had a friend to confide in who understood my plight (understood meaning experienced bullimia before). Finally, (when my period got messed up - that kinda scared me!), I went online to find out about the problem and took an anonymous test. I think the results were that I was borderline anorexic and should get counselling or something, but I think the test was screwd lah. I wasn’t anorexic, just bullimic. As you can tell, I didn’t take the advice and decided self-help was the way to go. Wahahhaah. Me and my stubborn ways.

(THIS PARAGRAPH MAY BE A BIT DISGUSTING FOR THE FAINT-HEARTED. IT WILL FEATURE A REASONABLE AMOUNT OF GAGGING.)

And for those of you who are still fighting the battle - I can tell you, it’s not worth it. First of all, it only works for a while, and then loses effect. Secondly, for all the effort and psychological trauma you go through, you really lose very little weight. It screws up your digestive system - and honestly, these are long-term effects. I still have a problem with eating properly, and it’s been 6 years. And it kinda screws up your calorie-intake too, I think. Like, now after a long time, I eat at least double what I used to, and I don’t gain as much weight. (And I still eat little, according to my friends.) Straight after my ‘losing-weight’ period, even the littlest amount will cause changes in my weight. I had to gradually increase my intake. I think your body sort-of adjusts to your bullimic routine and hence you can never go back to eating normally straight-away. So, the faster you quit, the easier it is. (And the faster you can eat without putting on weight!) The beginning of recovery will be the worst, and the urge to binge-eat will be ever-present. But you have to get over this period. It’s when this phase is over that the craving also stops - and seriously, you won’t put on that much weight if you eat like a normal person - despite your fears of having a low metabolism. No matter how low, it isn’t THAT low. Really, if I read this 6 years ago, I would seriously doubt it myself. But I’ve been there, and I know the difference. Oh, and I personally think, when you throw up, then you get hungry, and then you binge-eat, and then you feel guilty and then throw up, and then you eat again…the whole viscious cycle is EVIL…because, not only do you end up with a messed up menstrual cycle, ineffective digestive system, guilty conscience/depression/feeling ugly/trauma of hiding symptoms, dry/sore throat….I think you end up eating more than you throw out! Plus, do you ever notice that when you throw out, the healthier food comes out first? Like, vegetables, fruits, etc? Chocolates, ice cream and cookies seem to sail right through your digestive tract before you can even stick your finger down! So really, are you removing calories or just getting an unhealthy diet?

And if you really think you over-ate - go exercise! It’s a LOT MORE EFFICIENT than gagging. I speak from experience! You can only vomit out so much, but exercise can burn all that you ate and maybe even more. You just have to have the discipline. (It sucks, I know. But take up something you like, that way it’s a lot easier. I ain’t a fan of the gym either.)

There will be relapses, I assure you. But it’s a gradual process. Like I said, for a year I was still in-and-out of bullimia, and there were the odd times too in the years that ensued. If you feel hungry, just grab a fruit or something. They’re low in calories but will only keep you full for a short while. Oh, and another thing… you have to try to stop thinking about losing weight! I know I know, it’s damn hard, and it’s not something that will never really leave you . I think it’s a curse to all females. But thinking about it not as often does have some positive effect, in my opinion. Keep yourself occupied to take it off your mind.

And you know what? Screw all those fashion models lah! (Lol. I’m one to speak…!) I mean, ok, so you can’t wear all those attention-grabbing garments that will make guys swoon. But there are clothes that flatter you (YES THERE ARE. Go do some retail-therapy! Now you have an excuse to shop!) , and they don’t mess with your menstrual cycle. I reckon that’s a safer bet than trying to throw out your dessert! (At least this way you can enjoy that chocolate bar without feeling guilty.)

And think about it. God created it that food goes down your tract, not up. Exercise is the right way of getting rid of fat. So if you’re gagging it all out - it’s the easy way out. And how efficient can the easy way out be? There’s always a price for something. And if the pricetag’s cheap - you might want to consider its quality!

Ok. If I post this up… I’ve come a LONG way.

And if anyone has tips on losing weight, pls tell me ya. I may be anti-bullimia, but I’m still fighting the curse of all females!

This entry was posted on Saturday, October 15th, 2005 at 6:03 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.